CP4: Graduation Day
The fourth Chinarchy audio post. This episode I talk about a teacher who mistreats children and her actions on Graduation Day. Also, I discuss the frustrations of trying to do the right thing in such a bad environment.
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Note: It’s a bit rambly, just so you know going in.
User Comments
bill nagwai
06/27/10
Anderson,I found your pod cast very interesting. To my knowledge kids are treated the same way in the west, even in the us. If you were to check with some of your friends who teach, they probably have seen this behavior. It is always wrong to bully some one. Kids should be protected and not hurt. In your case it is even more difficult to deal with this problem. It might be best to lodge a complaint about this teacher but not insist she be fried that being the premise of the administrator.You are right to protect the children and you show great integrity in sticking to your guns. But consider the future kids you can influence. What ever you decide to do will be right. Excellent pod cast.
fructoric
06/27/10
Terrible story, but good podcast. I would have reacted in a similar fashion, perhaps without as much restraint. For these reasons I cannot work in public schools. I would eventually have THAT confrontation where I am put on the chopping block for assaulting an adult . . . for beating up a child.
I do not think your stance or position on the matter will turn out well. That the problem exists to such an extent and is ignored is proof of what is acceptable to most people (as they rationalize their own childhood away). Regardless, I support your stand. If you need to look for a new job, I can put in a word for you here.
dave bockman
06/27/10
Just awful,it’s extremely difficult to comprehend the levels of institutionalized violence you’re witnessing. Thank you for speaking up and living your values, the stress is clear in the way you recount your experiences.
Casey
06/27/10
This is a horrible story and sounds like an extremely stressful situation, but it sounds like you’ve handled it really well. It can’t be easy, but you deserve a lot of credit for standing up for the kids and not just letting this go.
I can see why the teachers feel the need to protect each other to an extent, but when it comes to kids being abused, nothing should come before protecting them.
As far as what to do when you’re dealing with the headmaster and pushing for this teacher to lose her job, I would suggest focusing on how they will benefit from firing her. Their biggest concern is probably not losing business or not having word get out that they have teachers who push the kids around, so focusing on the fact that the parents at the school will be upset about this and might complain or threaten to withdraw their kids might help your case.
Although we’re not in exactly the same situations, I’m sure there are similarities and I’ve learned that this is the best way to do things in Korea. What is actually best for the kids doesn’t really matter to the administrators; it’s all about keeping the parents happy, keeping their money and saving face.
Ideally, you would be able to go to the headmaster and she would be outraged that someone would be so cruel to a child and fire them immediately. But that messes with their system and makes things uncomfortable for them. If they’re worried about the parents complaining or going to another school, however, that might be more effective.
Anyway, you’re doing an awesome job. Good luck with this situation and please post an update with how everything goes.
Cat Moody
06/27/10
Admirable clarity in a situation which sounds so stressful. It must be very frustrating like ‘agh what more can I do’ especially if one part is yelling ATTACK!! ATTACK!! although I am sure this woman is not acting this way due to lack of experience of being attacked, but why is she allowed to be a teacher?!?
Bit scared of stating the obvious, but perhaps something like meditation rather than drinking would help – I remember getting FANTASTIC ideas when I was drunk, but I would forget them by morning – or they just weren’t as fantastic as when drunk, which lead to double lose with a hangover. I have found it useful to ask myself what hurts to mean I want to drink a lot (a bit can be great), why I need an emotional anesthetic. You would be the first person who needs adequate comforting, then you would help others from a healthier less stressful place.
To let the kids know that this is NOT acceptable or allowed seems most important (maybe posters?) as while it sounds quite lonely with all these other adults who just want stuff to be easy, there are also loads of kids who I’m sure want to know that this is not ok.
I remember my school singing teacher telling me when I was about 14 that she wanted to shake me because I was so lacking in energy (all my energy had gone internal – for a reason), that I would never be a singer but to continue the lessons anyway, and this left me feeling useless/impotent/shit. It has taken till the last year for me to readdress this and know that it was really fucking wrong and damaging because of her superior position. I can’t imagine getting hit at school and that passing by with no massive confirmation it was wrong.
Thanks for posting this, it was incredibly useful to hear.
Cat Moody
06/27/10
Oh yeah! I didn’t experience it as rambly in the least!
Charlotte
06/27/10
Good for you for standing up for the child. I think Casey’s advice is sound. If you can make a case to these people why keeping Kathy would lose more face than firing her, they may back down. Eventually more parents are going to complain, and the school doesn’t want to get a reputation of hurting kids, you can say.
Best of luck, and again well done.
fructoric
06/27/10
Many parents want children to face corporal punishment at school . . . and at home . . . and anytime any authority figure is not happy with them.
Hitting and screaming at children is not typically considered “hurting kids” or “child abuse,” but a necessary part of child rearing.
Most people agree that child abuse is terrible, then fail to agree on its meaning or where the line is drawn. Isn’t sending a child to school in and of itself usually abuse?
Anderson
06/27/10
First of all, thank you all so much for commenting. It makes me feel good to know you guys care.
@Everyone: Go here and read my update – http://www.chinarchy.com/2010/06/g-day-plus-1/
@Bill: Unfortunately, lodging a complaint isn’t enough to force anybody to take action. My update post explains what I think are my current options.
@fructoric: There was definitely an strong urge from one part of me to attack her. It’s good to know that I am measured and balanced enough not to act on an impulse like that. Acting violently toward her wouldn’t solve anything and actually would make me look like aggressor in the situation. But yeah, I know what you mean and it certainly felt like the just thing to do in the moment.
@Dave: Thank you
@Casey and Char: Good points. All they care about is how the school looks to the parents. Check out my update for options.
@Cat: Yeah, going on Friday was more of a “letting off steam” sort of thing. I didn’t expect it to actually help. But you are entirely right and I realize it’s not exactly the healthiest approach.
Okay, this was a fantastic point and one that I was overlooking: “To let the kids know that this is NOT acceptable or allowed seems most important.” I’ve had individual conversations with different students about Cathy and how hitting is wrong, ESPECIALLY when it’s an adult doing it to a child. And they get it instantly of course, cause they are amazing people. One little girl even said to me “It’s not right when a grown up hits a kid because kids are little and can’t do anything and the grown up is so big.” God, I love them to death. But anyway, in the moment when Cathy pushed them I should have said something. Right then when it happened, so the kids could hear me say it. Even if it was just “No. That is not okay.” I regret not doing that now. They know my thoughts on Cathy, but it would’ve sent a much stronger message to have talked to them right then. Thank you for pointing that out.
Also, sorry to hear about your music teacher. What a terrible thing to say to a kid.
@fructoric It’s true. Any parent would claim they don’t want their child abused, but then they also claim screaming at, spanking, hitting, pushing, and verbally berating them doesn’t count as abuse. Check out Casey’s post here: http://www.itsalwayssunnyinsouthkorea.com/the-most-frustrating-thing-about-teaching
Jen
06/27/10
You are like me on steroids when it comes to defending children. After four years in an Ithaca, NY Pre-K program I have turned in the towel…for now anyway. I have seen appalling treatment of children from around the globe, as well as our own emotionally challenged children. Until I am in a position to truly protect them I am stepping aside. I have seen food withheld from children unless they speak, special- ed children forced to change their own feces laden diapers, small four year olds screamed at by teachers just inches from their face, children forced to sit for extended periods,
special- ed children sent to roam the halls all day with aides, children’s naturally developing social quirks openly ridiculed, children refused reentry into the school building when it’s cold out and snacks which are budgeted for not provided. Abusive practices and schools that circle their wagons to avoid scrutiny… It happens everywhere. The children are not the priority, the system is. There are loving teachers, and I am sure in the right circumstance these scenarios do not happen. It seems the responsibility lies with the teacher. The system is useless. Be patient, think.
Nathan
06/27/10
Man, what a difficult situation for sure. I don’t know what to say that anyone else hasn’t already said. Entirely predictable behavior though, such cruel cowardice on part of these teachers.
Anderson
06/27/10
That sounds terrible Jen. I can understand you having to leave. It wears down your soul to see things like that every day.
Cat Moody
06/27/10
Regarding letting off steam. I find it hard to imagine other ways sometimes.
Like treating a part of me that wants to explode with something relaxing and nurturing rather than exploding somehow seems alien.
I still have a battle between the part of me that thinks such alternatives suck and are like sleeping your way through life, when actually to relax yourself leaves you safer to feel more rather than if you go on needing more and more extremity to feel anything.
Why do you think you didn’t say anything? I reckon you absolutely ideally would have.
I would have loved a teacher like that. It is quite surreal to imagine having had that.
It is wonderful you have talked to them about this
Anderson
06/27/10
Had the little girl been hurt, I think I would have focused more on her (and the other children) in the moment.
When it happened all of my thoughts were about how to react to Cathy herself.
Yeah, the more I thought about it afterward, the ideal scenario would have been to immediately remove Cathy from the room, sit down the kids, and talk about what just happened. I don’t know if that was actually possible, but at least I recognize it now as the best way of handling the situation.
Re: Letting off steam – I do always view it as some sort of indulgence. Like “wow today at work was really stressful, I just want to sit on the couch and eat pizza for the rest of the night” or “I’m so frustrated with X I just want to have some beers and dance [poorly].”
I don’t think it is necessarily destructive unless you do carry it to an extreme. (Which I do on occasion.)