CP5: Usher and Ethan
The fifth Chinarchy audio post. This episode I talk about going to an Usher concert, my awesome dancing skills, how my class environment has changed, dealing with a hitting problem, and the authoritarian vs. permissive parenting false dichotomy.
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Note: It’s forty-eight minutes long. Forty-eight minutes of baller. Don’t hate.
User Comments
fructoric
08/03/10
I totally relate to your appraisals of Usher. I also think that, although a performer may be intellectually aware of the “cultural” differences regarding audience interaction, it is hard to feel the same emotive response that would fuel a powerful performance. The audience, in my concert-going experience (Russia, Canada, USA, Costa Rica, Panama), can make or break the performance.
In regards to how you dealt with aggression in the classroom, I side with the action that you took. It was not violent. It was not outwardly threatening (as I do not see ostracism as direct violence). Often one may encounter evidence about the ways of the world (peaceful resolution) and others that is contrary to their perception (parenting and childhood), and I believe that it is good to learn to deal with that earlier rather than later. Maybe the result is a fear of ostracism? That could result in withdrawal, people-pleasing, lashing-out, or some other behavioral dysfunction, I suppose. But I think that encountering and learning how to respond to peaceful forms of conflict resolution are preferable to adopting roles of a victim or aggressor. Hopefully the new experience that is outside of their framework will challenge these age-old roles.
Casey
08/03/10
Great podcast. Definitely your best one yet.
It’s very cool that you’re really starting to see the positive results of how you’ve approached teaching and how great of a relationship you’ve developed with the students.
Did you talk to Ethan about how he felt after the class discussion about hitting? It sounds like he was still pretty stubborn and defiant, but I was trying to imagine what might have been going on for him during that session, especially since he already appears to be a little bit of an outsider among his classmates.
I feel really sorry for him. Of course I realize how frustrating and aggravating it has to be for the other kids and for you when he goes into his bullying or manipulative mode, but it’s so sad to me that these are the only ways he really knows how to deal with other people. I tried to imagine how it might feel to have been in his position during the group conversation and wondered if it did make him feel even more frustrated or isolated, or whatever was already going on for him.
But I think you’ve handled it well, especially given the circumstances. It sounds like what he really needs is to be in therapy, to have someone really get to the root of his issues. Unfortunately, it also sounds like that is very unlikely to happen since his mom doesn’t seem to interested in addressing the problem and his dad isn’t really around.
I like the strategy you took for dealing with the hitting problem. I’ve thought a lot about it since listening to this podcast, and did go back and forth on the idea of making five-year-olds feel ostracized. But it’s without a doubt better than using your authority to solve the problem or punishing or yelling at them. Having the consequences come from their peers is way more meaningful, I think. Plus, this is likely the only time (at least within the next several years) that they’ll experience peaceful conflict resolution, so I think it’s cool that you were able to do this and that most of the kids responded so well.
fructoric
08/03/10
Wow, suggesting there is a problem is like the biggest faux pas here . . . especially if it is psychological.
“There are no problems in China because I love China because I am Chinese.”
Anderson
08/03/10
Yeah, the field of psychology doesn’t really exist. The idea of taking a child to a therapist (or taking yourself to a therapist) would be just about the most foreign thing a Chinese person could imagine.
Sadly.
Anderson
08/03/10
Also, thanks for your thoughts on the Ethan thing. I too go back and forth on it, but like both of you said it’s probably the only in-classroom solution.
I didn’t ask him how he felt after it, but mostly because his weird threats toward Rachel made me not want to keep talking to him about it.
On a positive note, the hitting stuff has greatly improved in the classroom. Ethan seems to be getting along better with everyone. Not sure if it’s because of my invention though…