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Basketball has become a topic great interest to the Chinese though. Whether it is the Chinese Olympic basketball team from the 2008 summer games, the CBA or the much more popular NBA, the Chinese are obsessed with basketball. Not only do they watch it, but they also play it. During my lunch break at my kindergarten I will wander around and hear basketballs bouncing all over the area that I work.

I have also had the males from our recruiting company ask me about basketball in America, and who I like. They are even more well versed in the NBA than I am though, talking about the games from the past days, or who is going to win the title.

As far as I can tell though they still seem obsessed with Michael Jordan, and are now becoming obsessed with Kobe Bryant, which shows that no matter how big of a dick you are, you can still be worshiped as a hero (cough Mao, cough Mao Zedong).

China really has embraced the game of basketball and of course have (like any good government) turned it into a source of ground worship. By producing two players who have made it into the NBA they have turned the once prominent American worship into Chinese pride. Yao Ming is all over ads on television and subway billboards (posing for everything from Oreos to computers and cell phones).

It really is amazing how the government can take something as mundane as basketball and get the entire country to start to like it, and then to turn it into a reason to love China. Now I realize that they are not that good at basketball but making it a point of nationalistic pride has created another way for the government to gain more control by making its people associate a fun recreational activity with this arbitrary plot of land.

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As soon as we got there it was obvious that no Chinese people knew what was up. The bar was packed with Westerners. It was seriously all white people. It totally killed the novelty of seeing another Westerner in Beijing. These people are everywhere now! I think it made me a tiny bit racist. [Reverse racist. Technically. Something I learned in college.]

Anyway, the white people weren’t the only problem. It was also the Jews. Kidding. Jeesh. The other problem was paying 55 kuai for a Guinness that tasted like shit. So we packed up and moved to a bar called Smugglers — which I love.

At Smuggler’s I got six Tsingtao’s for 60 kuai. I think we did what any real Irish person would’ve done. (Except a real Irish person would have bitched about having to drink this “cheap Chinamen piss water,” but done it anyway.)

[Pretty sure this post is the most racist thing I've ever written.]

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In this post I’m only going to talk about bars. There are three main types — as far as I can tell — so let’s go through them one by one.

1. The Chinese Bars

Also known as the “weird bars” these are the bars try to appeal to foreigners, but are really only full of Chinese people. For the record, I haven’t actually been inside of these bars. All I can go on is my impression from walking by, which is enough to deter me from actually going in.

There is one main strip (that I’ve been to) that is full of these bars. And they actually look really cool and fun as you approach. The whole street is lit up with all kinds of lights. The trees along the street are decorated with Christmas-style lights and the bar windows are flashing. As you look down the sidewalk you see a lot of people. “Hey, this is the happening place,” you say in an old-person-trying-to-sound-cool voice.

But as you walk down the street things begin to change. A lot of people on the sidewalk are weird guys hired by the bars to reel you in. “Happy hour special, just for you.” Happy hour? It’s 11 PM. And just for us? Yeah, that doesn’t sound like a lie at all.

“Two for one special. Good deal!” Bu Yao buddy. Do not want.

In addition to the Chinese bar salesman [Get it? Bar salesman? Like car salesman. They act like car salesman but they are trying to get you into a bar. It's funny guys. Never mind.] there are also the street peddlers. They have little tables and stands set up and you walk past they encourage you to buy some cheap cigarettes and abnormally huge lighters.

And while all this is going on, you’re trying to get glimpses inside these bars. They are dark but have very bright lights shining on stages. Stages where someone is singing terribly. Really, not good singing. And they are full of Chinese people.

Seeing no foreigners in a place doesn’t automatically make it bad, but it does make you think twice. For some reason no other Westerner in the whole city is at this bar. Why?

“Cheap beer! Ladies get special deal.” Okay. You’ve had enough of these guys. And, if you’re like me, you decide that one day you’ll try out one of these places. But not now. You’re far too sober for it now. One day when you’re good and drunk. That’s the only way you’ll be able to handle this situation. So, you move on.

2. The Night Clubs

These are essentially the same as the American night clubs I’ve been to, but bigger. I’ve been to two big clubs and they are both in the same place: Vics and Mics. Yeah, I don’t understand why they are named that. But I know that I hated Mics and I found Vics tolerable. Tolerable is about the most a night club could ever get out of me.

I’m not really a club person, so for someone else these bars might be the best thing in China. I’ll go if that’s what the rest of the group wants to do, but I’m never really excited for a club.

So anyway, I’ll get to the narration. You walk into the club. There is free coat check. Nice. But there is also a cover. Goddammit. Don’t worry though. Covers are negotiable. We got in for free at Vics — maybe that’s why I liked it more. And at a different club-like bar I was able to haggle a two-for-one deal on the covers. And I convinced the girls to pay. (“Chivalry is dead in China.” Didn’t Mao say something like that? Or was it “chivalry is dead in bed.” I read it on a fortune cookie.)

Alright so you’re past the cover line and you walk into the club proper. (“Proper” is how I like to describe the big dance floor where everyone is grinding their ass on everyone else.) The place is huge; it’s a giant room. And there’s a balcony running around the top of it. Up there are tables for bottle service and private parties. That’s where the rich look down on the silly peasants forced to buy their vodka redbulls from a bartender.

Since this is a night club the music is super loud and you can feel the bass in your chest. I don’t actually mind this that much, until I wake up the next day and not only do I have a hangover but my ears are ringing from the music. Hangover plus ringing ears is a recipe for grouchiness. What? It is.

Like I said, I hated Mics but I loved Vics. I’m not really sure why. Vics, despite the crowd and the overpriced drinks, felt like a fun place. I had fun there. Mics was the most boring night club I’ve ever been to. It was just not fun. I can’t really put my finger on what about the atmosphere was different, but it was.

I realize none of this is giving a picture of what a Chinese night club looks like. It’s crowded and loud and dark but with lots of flashing lights. Not really any different from a night club somewhere else. But here, I found this video of some people at Vics:

It’s a night club. What did you expect? The only really positive thing I can say about the club scene is that it’s where you will find the most attractive Chinese girls. If you’re into that sort of thing, pervert.

3. The Foreigner Bars

These are my favorite places.

A lot of these bars are located in one area too. And there are the familiar street peddlers, but this time they are selling food. There’s food every where along this street. Which is perfect because you can leave a bar at any time and go have a snack.

Also, the street and bars are packed with Westerners. I’ve seen more Westerners in these types of bars than anywhere else in the city. Not just Americans. A lot of Euros. In fact, the inside of the bars remind me of Czech bars. They have a very hole-in-the-wall feel. And those are my favorite types of bars.

There’s a good range of selection. Some of these bars have music and areas to dance. Some are quieter and have a lot of places to sit around. I enjoyed them all. (Some a little too much. McCoy and I ended up dancing on the bar in the middle of one of these places. We made a lot of friends that night.)

Another huge selling point for these bars: They are cheap. We were getting most drinks for under 20 kuai — which is awesome compared to the tiny, 40 kuai drinks I’ve gotten other places. And I was able to go out in this area on Saturday night and spend absolutely no money on alcohol. Now that is a feat.

For me, there is really no contest here. The foreigner bars have a good mix of Chinese and Westerners. They are cheap. The music is decent but not loud enough to make speech impossible. There’s a lot of different sizes and shapes and different rooms to hang out in, depending on your mood. They are like the perfect bars.

Am I Biased?

Yeah, probably a little. If any of you readers come visit I will take you out to all three and you can decide for yourself. And if you’re better at describing settings, I’ll let you rewrite this post.

Alright so that’s it. Were my descriptions terrible? Do you love clubs? Is fortune cookie humor the lowest of the low? If you answer yes to all three then congratulations, I hate you. Just kidding.

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The original plan was to include all sorts of aspects of Chinese culture into this blog like entertainment so here is the first one. I realize that the new Karate Kid movie is made by Americans for American audiences but it does take place in China, and there are scenes in schools, so I think that it’s apropos to talk about it here.

In case you haven’t seen the newest trailer for the movie here it is:

The [New] Karate Kid Trailer 2

So the new movie stars Jackie Chan, and Will Smith’s son, Jaden (which I never understood why his name is so similar to his mother, Jada’s). Jackie Chan plays Han, the Miyagi, mentor type role, which in this preview seems a bit off. We see Han rescuing Dre Parker (Smith) from a bunch of bullies who are half of Jackie’s size.

In the original Karate Kid movies Morita was small and packed a punch against some high school kids, but here the kids are probably junior high schoolers, and are fighting Jackie Chan. Yes that’s right, Kung Fu master, Jackie Chan. This isn’t high school kids fighting Arnold from Happy Days, this is middle schoolers fighting Jackie Chan. This would be like if I defended one of my kindergarten students from a bunch of other kindergarten students by beating them up.

This trailer held a special interest for me because Dre and his mother fly to China on China Air, (just like Anderson and I) and go to Beijing (just like Anderson and I), which was basically the inspiration for even doing this post. Also there are scenes which appear to take place in the school yard which looks more like the town from Kung Fu Hustle, than any school I’ve been to so far but  whatever.

Other things going on here include Jaden running on the Great Wall…um okay… And him doing splits and ridiculous things with bamboo sticks that look really cheesy. This movie may be pushing things a bit too far but what crappy movie doesn’t these days?

I do have to give credit though to the little homage in the in trailer. At the very end when Jackie is trying to catch the fly you can hear them playing “You’re the Best” by Joe Esposito, which was made famous during a montage scene from the original Karate Kid movie.

All in all the movie looks pretty terrible, but because of the topics in the movie, China, schools, Kung Fu, and because Jackie Chan is in it, I personally will probably see it. However if the trailer is any indication of how the movie will be, it will probably be terrible.

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