What Is This Fruit?
For a long time now I’ve been hoping that Google will come out with a new kind of search that allows you to upload an image and it will find you pages with similar images. A search-by-image function. That way you could easily identify things in pictures by getting page results of websites that have similar pictures of those things. I’m pretty sure it would be a hard thing to program, but maybe one day.
Until that day comes I’ll just have to post pictures here and ask: Does anyone know what the hell this fruit is?
It looks like some kind of alien pod. I was scared to get closer because of my life-long fear of facehuggers.
Update: Apparently it’s a Durian. But even after reading that Wikipedia page I’m still not convinced it won’t kill me.
Chinese Night Life – Part 1
We’ve had three full weekends in China so I figured a post about what the night life is might be interesting for you guys. I haven’t even begun to experience it all and my thoughts will probably change over the course of the year, but that’s why this is only part one.
In this post I’m only going to talk about bars. There are three main types — as far as I can tell — so let’s go through them one by one.
1. The Chinese Bars
Also known as the “weird bars” these are the bars try to appeal to foreigners, but are really only full of Chinese people. For the record, I haven’t actually been inside of these bars. All I can go on is my impression from walking by, which is enough to deter me from actually going in.
There is one main strip (that I’ve been to) that is full of these bars. And they actually look really cool and fun as you approach. The whole street is lit up with all kinds of lights. The trees along the street are decorated with Christmas-style lights and the bar windows are flashing. As you look down the sidewalk you see a lot of people. “Hey, this is the happening place,” you say in an old-person-trying-to-sound-cool voice.
But as you walk down the street things begin to change. A lot of people on the sidewalk are weird guys hired by the bars to reel you in. “Happy hour special, just for you.” Happy hour? It’s 11 PM. And just for us? Yeah, that doesn’t sound like a lie at all.
“Two for one special. Good deal!” Bu Yao buddy. Do not want.
In addition to the Chinese bar salesman [Get it? Bar salesman? Like car salesman. They act like car salesman but they are trying to get you into a bar. It's funny guys. Never mind.] there are also the street peddlers. They have little tables and stands set up and you walk past they encourage you to buy some cheap cigarettes and abnormally huge lighters.
And while all this is going on, you’re trying to get glimpses inside these bars. They are dark but have very bright lights shining on stages. Stages where someone is singing terribly. Really, not good singing. And they are full of Chinese people.
Seeing no foreigners in a place doesn’t automatically make it bad, but it does make you think twice. For some reason no other Westerner in the whole city is at this bar. Why?
“Cheap beer! Ladies get special deal.” Okay. You’ve had enough of these guys. And, if you’re like me, you decide that one day you’ll try out one of these places. But not now. You’re far too sober for it now. One day when you’re good and drunk. That’s the only way you’ll be able to handle this situation. So, you move on.
2. The Night Clubs
These are essentially the same as the American night clubs I’ve been to, but bigger. I’ve been to two big clubs and they are both in the same place: Vics and Mics. Yeah, I don’t understand why they are named that. But I know that I hated Mics and I found Vics tolerable. Tolerable is about the most a night club could ever get out of me.
I’m not really a club person, so for someone else these bars might be the best thing in China. I’ll go if that’s what the rest of the group wants to do, but I’m never really excited for a club.
So anyway, I’ll get to the narration. You walk into the club. There is free coat check. Nice. But there is also a cover. Goddammit. Don’t worry though. Covers are negotiable. We got in for free at Vics — maybe that’s why I liked it more. And at a different club-like bar I was able to haggle a two-for-one deal on the covers. And I convinced the girls to pay. (“Chivalry is dead in China.” Didn’t Mao say something like that? Or was it “chivalry is dead in bed.” I read it on a fortune cookie.)
Alright so you’re past the cover line and you walk into the club proper. (“Proper” is how I like to describe the big dance floor where everyone is grinding their ass on everyone else.) The place is huge; it’s a giant room. And there’s a balcony running around the top of it. Up there are tables for bottle service and private parties. That’s where the rich look down on the silly peasants forced to buy their vodka redbulls from a bartender.
Since this is a night club the music is super loud and you can feel the bass in your chest. I don’t actually mind this that much, until I wake up the next day and not only do I have a hangover but my ears are ringing from the music. Hangover plus ringing ears is a recipe for grouchiness. What? It is.
Like I said, I hated Mics but I loved Vics. I’m not really sure why. Vics, despite the crowd and the overpriced drinks, felt like a fun place. I had fun there. Mics was the most boring night club I’ve ever been to. It was just not fun. I can’t really put my finger on what about the atmosphere was different, but it was.
I realize none of this is giving a picture of what a Chinese night club looks like. It’s crowded and loud and dark but with lots of flashing lights. Not really any different from a night club somewhere else. But here, I found this video of some people at Vics:
It’s a night club. What did you expect? The only really positive thing I can say about the club scene is that it’s where you will find the most attractive Chinese girls. If you’re into that sort of thing, pervert.
3. The Foreigner Bars
These are my favorite places.
A lot of these bars are located in one area too. And there are the familiar street peddlers, but this time they are selling food. There’s food every where along this street. Which is perfect because you can leave a bar at any time and go have a snack.
Also, the street and bars are packed with Westerners. I’ve seen more Westerners in these types of bars than anywhere else in the city. Not just Americans. A lot of Euros. In fact, the inside of the bars remind me of Czech bars. They have a very hole-in-the-wall feel. And those are my favorite types of bars.
There’s a good range of selection. Some of these bars have music and areas to dance. Some are quieter and have a lot of places to sit around. I enjoyed them all. (Some a little too much. McCoy and I ended up dancing on the bar in the middle of one of these places. We made a lot of friends that night.)
Another huge selling point for these bars: They are cheap. We were getting most drinks for under 20 kuai — which is awesome compared to the tiny, 40 kuai drinks I’ve gotten other places. And I was able to go out in this area on Saturday night and spend absolutely no money on alcohol. Now that is a feat.
For me, there is really no contest here. The foreigner bars have a good mix of Chinese and Westerners. They are cheap. The music is decent but not loud enough to make speech impossible. There’s a lot of different sizes and shapes and different rooms to hang out in, depending on your mood. They are like the perfect bars.
Am I Biased?
Yeah, probably a little. If any of you readers come visit I will take you out to all three and you can decide for yourself. And if you’re better at describing settings, I’ll let you rewrite this post.
Alright so that’s it. Were my descriptions terrible? Do you love clubs? Is fortune cookie humor the lowest of the low? If you answer yes to all three then congratulations, I hate you. Just kidding.
Snow In Beijing
In case you couldn’t guess from the title, it snowed today in Beijing. There were some of the biggest, floppiest snow flakes I’ve ever seen.
I’m pretty sure it only snows the Chinese government makes it. They blow a huge horn and the ghost of Mao appears and if they sacrificed enough virgin rice paddy peasant girls to please the ethereal chairman he grants them 3 weather related wishes.
Just kidding, that would be stupid. Really they just pass a law demanding that the weather obey them. It works!
Anyway, here are some of the pictures I took. As usual, click them to get a bigger version.
Here is some random Beijing lady who was shoveling snow. She didn’t really seem like she knew what she was doing.
Here is a snowy road leading away from our apartment. I don’t have any jokes to make about this one or the next couple. So I’ll just post them without comments and you guys pretend I said something really funny.
I don’t know if this is a good picture or not, but I was trying to show how the fat snow flakes were just sort of hanging in the air around the apartment and falling really slowly.
The courtyard outside our building looked really cool with the snow all swirling around.
Guards like this are all over the city. We can’t tell if they are like real government guards or the housing communities hire them. Normally they are much more menacing. But not this guy. He is just enjoying the snow.
These girls didn’t really seem to be enjoying the snow so much. But the next girl that walked by was loving it. Look below.
Look at how happy she is! I never actually saw her face but I’m definitely in love with her. She’s such a free spirit. Maybe we could star in a romantic comedy together. I’ll be all stuffy and upright and well-mannered and she’ll be the free spirited hippie girl who teaches me to enjoy the simple things. That hasn’t been done before, right? I bet her name is Dharma. (For the record, I prefer Simon and Kaylee as my stereotypical-uptight-guy-with-free-spirit-girl couple.)
Alright so that’s what snow looks like in Beijing. Any questions or should I keep making jokes about Mao’s ghost? Fine, I was leaving anyway.
Timeline Of My Work Day
I realized recently that although I spent a lot of time talking about teaching, I never actually described what I do and how my day works. So this will be a pretty short and sweet post about my day.
Every week I alternate between teaching in the morning or the afternoon. Whatever period I don’t teach during I usually spend doing paper work, lesson planning, important Facebook procrastination, writing articles, or just going to play with the kids anyway.
So for those of you that care here is a timeline of my day (during a week when I work mornings.)
6:30 AM: Wake up tired, snooze the alarm a few times, hate the whole world, burn off my first 3 layers of skin in a hot shower
7:30 AM: Ride my bike for about 15 minutes (through a crowded maze of lunatics) to get to school, then hang out and eat breakfast
8:30 AM: Go to the classroom and hang out with the kids while they play and get situated
9:00 AM: Begin my English lesson. This usually involves getting all the kids to sit around in a circle and doing some introductory sentence practice (“Hello, my name is Roxy and I’m from Australia”) and then singing a song or playing a game and then some flash cards to help them learn new vocabulary words. Occasionally, I have them do English work books.
10:00 AM: The kids have a short snack and then go outside to exercise and play.
11:00 AM: Kids have about 20 minutes of free time, eat lunch then nap. I’m there assisting and organizing.
12:00 PM: My lunch starts and I have until about 2:30
2:30 PM: The kids morning schedule basically repeats but with a Chinese lesson, outside, inside free time, then parents pick them up. I usually join them unless I have some work to do.
5:00 PM: Ride my bike back to the apartment, crash on couch exhausted
I know it doesn’t sound too rough, and it isn’t as bad as McCoys schedule, but it is still pretty tiring. Even though I only teach for an hour I spend all day with them and I constantly have to organize activities and games or break up arguments or fights. It goes really fast, but at the end you feel totally drained. After a few weeks though I bet I will be adjusted and it’ll be easier. Still, it’s nothing to complain about; it’s a pretty amazing job.
So there you have it. That’s my day.
Chinese Furniture Market
Today me and two friends went shopping at a Chinese furniture market. A “market” is a huge building with all kinds of different vendors. It’s kind of like an indoor flea market.
If you want to know why there is a plane parked in the front of the market, I’m sorry, but I can’t answer that. Like most things in China, the why seems more or less irrelevant. There’s a plane in front of the furniture market. Period. You don’t need a back-story.
Inside the furniture market looks like this:
Room after room just packed to the walls with whatever you might need. They even have the kitchen sink (har har okay I’ll stop).
If you’re interested in a shower that can also travel through time, you’ve come to the right place.
If you’re not so into the luxury of using space technology to shower, don’t worry, they have alternatives.
Who is using these things? My theory is that someone used the time travel shower to bring these things back from around 400 A.D. But what do I know? I’m just a guy who takes pictures of bathtubs.
This isn’t really related to furniture but one of the vendors had it on her desk for good luck. It’s pretty ridiculous.
It’s a golden frog surrounded by a bunch of coins. I’m assuming all of this nonsense is used to increase luck. With a high enough luck rating the vendor will receive +3 to their Ripping Off Foreigners skill.
